Torn...

This is such a strange time of year and such a hard year for so many people. I'm just one of the many people unemployed but my real struggle is that I have two places I want to call home.

I went to University in London for 4 years and have lived there for periods since. I have the most amazing set of friends there. True friends who are the same sort of person I am. Like the same things and follow the same crowd. They just get me and I love them all. I love the London life style. I love going to exhibitions and new gallery's. I love the different areas and how I can always find just what I need. I love the grit, I love the passion, I love the fashion and I love the city.

Then I have Wales. Where I grew up, where I love. My oldest friends in the world are here and so is my family. Living in Wales could not be more different. There is no daily coffee, its hard to get around when you can't drive and there is not that much to do. But I love it. Its familiar, its safe and its easy. Its green and beautiful. But its more than that I could move to a close by city and get the city life that I love and have the familiarities that appeals to me.

I just don't know what to do. I'm at a point in my life where I can make a decision to go either way. I could move back to London and it would hard and I would struggle by. Or I could stay around here and it would be easier and cheaper and I'd always be safe.

When I talk about feeling safe I'm not talking about city dangers. Living on my own scares me as I have to be the adult and sometimes I cant be. I've been through so much in the past few years and I have this instinct to hide away when things get rough. Being at home means I don't have to face real life.

But real life is passing me by. I'm 25 soon and its going to be 3 years since my accident. I need to move on. I need to live my life and stop using it as an excuse not to. Everyone around me has moved on and are making steps for there future. I feel no further froward than when I graduated. Same situation. I have no one to live with. Well for fuck sake its about time I made things happen. My little sister has just booked a round the world ticket the least I can do is get myself in gear, face my fears and move back to London.

I can't hide forever. Life is tough its never going to be easy but I can do this. PMA Zoe!!